The excitement of New York City—the Big Apple! I know the holidays are coming and some of your relatives (which you may not be particularly fond of) may be visiting. I also know that there are a million things they might want to do, and their eagerness and demand for suggestions may be driving you crazy. Now, hand this article over to them, as I will be giving an in-depth guide on how to experience what it’s like to “be a New Yorker,” or really on how to make eight million enemies in one short trip. Here I have compiled some activity suggestions, and some etiquette rules for them to live by. After you send them into the city with these suggestions, you can be sure they will never ask you for any ever again.   

Activities:

I know that the city can be overwhelming, so here are some of the best uses of your limited time.

• Take a family trip to SoHo.
• Only buy food in Times Square—it’s where the best spots are. While you’re there, feel free to take photos with the street characters.
• Take posed photos in Central Park—pro tip: If someone walks into the frame, yell at them. They won’t mind!
• If you’re visiting around Christmas time, try Bryant Park—a true hidden gem—or go see the tree at Rockefeller Center.
• Take photos of everything and everyone! Consent is unnecessary; treat everyone you meet like you’re at a zoo. 
• Hit all of the most famous tourist sites (Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, etc.), it’s what a true New Yorker would do.

Etiquette:

Now that you know WHAT to do, it’s important that you know HOW to do it in an inoffensive manner. These are some tips for how to act like a local. 

• NEVER tip.
• Walk really slowly, DIRECTLY in front of people.
• Stop to converse in large groups in the middle of the sidewalk.
• On a similar note, when you walk down the sidewalk make sure to NEVER look up from your phone and make everyone else swerve to avoid walking into you.
• When you eat somewhere nice—for example, our beautiful quad here at MSE—make sure to leave plenty of trash to make sure others know you were here.
• Play music or videos loudly on the subway.
• Block all the doors. Literally. Any door you find you MUST block.
• Keep your phone visible—preferably in your back pocket.
• Skip the line, especially at a bodega.
• Keep your backpack on your back on a packed train. Better yet, put it in the seat next to you, making sure no one else can sit. Remember—you are the main character in every New Yorker’s life.
• Ask for directions from people who are clearly in a rush, especially if there is a sign with the directions you are asking for five feet to your right.

Well, I hope that was informative and helped you have a great trip to New York City. Now, for the final touches, you must act like you lived in New York for your entire life, despite only having been there for about a week. Phrases like “Back in New York…” or “New Yorkers…” should be your best friend. Don’t forget to post lots of pictures using “Welcome to New York” or “Empire State of Mind.” It’s what a true New Yorker would do.