It is no secret that our school consists of try-hards. We students study 30 hours per day, forcing ourselves to break the boundaries of time. But how can we manage such an absurd feat? Well, we use Red Bull! We wake up in the morning and instantly guzzle down the fizzy caffeine. A surge of adrenaline courses through our veins!

When we try this delightful drink, it makes our tongues twitch with excitement; our brains are exhilarated! It energizes every part of our bodies so much that we can’t fall asleep at night. A raging red bull would be a great way to describe our crazed behavior. Persisting past the cold weather of winter, we burn with ferociousness from the heat of red bull. We concentrate deeply on our schoolwork and completely disregard our access to the tempting bliss of slumber. We are simply too awake! All we want to do is to spread our nonexistent wings and fly into the soft, cushiony clouds of doze but we can’t! The slogan “Red Bull gives you wings” is completely false advertising on their part! The ambrosia that is Red Bull prevents us from getting the wings to sleep, yet forces us to continue drinking it even when our delirium is at its maximum.

Now wait a second. We drink large amounts of Red Bull every day, right? And as the saying goes, we are what we drink. Therefore, aren’t we made out of Red Bull? Absolutely! The word red — it represents the blood in our veins! The bull — it represents our ferocity, and the blood, sweat, and tears that we put into getting a measly 99% on an exam! But then, are we just a carbonated beverage that contains caffeine? Of course not! We are literal red bulls! 

Red Bull lets us metamorphose, and unlike the pitiful Gregor Samsa, who turns into a feeble cockroach, we aren’t pesky insects that can be squashed down in a few seconds. We are like the Big Friendly Giant, who is strong with superhuman characteristics. We are so strong that we don’t even need to sleep. Now mind you, we couldn’t sleep if we wanted to, but it’s fine because we don’t want to. We reluctantly give our collection of dreams to others so that they can have a pleasing sleep. As red bulls, we don’t need pleasantries; we need to persevere and stay awake at all times for the sake of maintaining our status as school nerds. 

Now, is this addiction to Red Bull a good thing? Of course not! It disadvantages all the people in our HSMSE school community regardless of grade level. People shouldn’t even begin to venture into the drug that is Red Bull. Like come on! Red Bull prevents you from ever dozing off in class! It’s a two-sided coin: one side drives us to do well in school and the other side drives us to sleep-depravity. Imagine this scenario: you walk into class with the ecstasy that comes with the citrusy tang of your favorite drink. Yet, you plop face-first into your desk and drool all over your desk. You try to close your weary eyes, but you can’t. You raise your head and stare at the teacher, who in turn looks back at you, wondering “Why in the world is my dear student so sleepy in my class?” You wouldn’t want to beg forgiveness from your teacher, right? So stop doing it! Don’t even venture into bad sleeping/studying habits — just take care of yourself and life will fly by.